I can't agree that Jason needs a hug as he was accused of beating his wife several years ago. If anything, Joumana needs a hug.
THE MO'KELLY REPORT: Jason Kidd Needs a Hug
By Morris W. O'Kelly
January 11, 2007
*New Jersey Nets star Jason Kidd has filed for divorce from his wife of 10 years. He is accusing his soon to be ex-wifey Joumana of "extreme cruelty" in the form of physical and mental abuse. Jason, it seems was getting his a$$ whooped on the regular.
Hey...don't get mad at Mo'Kelly for saying it; it's what Jason Kidd is alleging in his own complaint. Mo'Kelly's just making it plain.
Both Jason and Joumana have declined any public comment, so in their absence Mo'Kelly will gladly comment publicly on their behalf.
Jason alleges that Joumana is "jealous, paranoid and unstable, prone to physical attacks and public threats." Let's circle up the fellas. Group hug for battered husband Jason Kidd. Brothaman needs a friend right about now...and some self-defense classes.
Specifically, Jason claims that Joumana used their 8-year-old son to sneak into the Nets locker room and get "daddy's" cell phone so she could harass among other people, the various "female" entries in his phone. Afterwards, Jason alleges she went courtside to verbally berate him DURING a game.
That's good, sending the son to fetch daddy's cell phone so Mommy can harass the groupies AND her husband while he's at work.
There's nothing better than getting heckled by the other team's fans AND your own wife while you're shooting free throws.
(Jason dribbles the ball three times and blows a kiss to the sky in honor of his wife as he prepares to shoot a free-throw.)
Heckler: "Jason, you're a bum and washed up!"
Joumana (holding up cell phone): "Yeah Jason, you're a bum! And who the hell is Loquita...609.777.9311?! I hope you brick you sorry @#$*(&! "
Didn't Joumana get the memo? When you marry an NBA player, all wedding vow bets are off. Those are the "rules" and Joumana knew the job was dangerous when she took it. If fidelity is high on one's marriage list of priorities, maybe having an NBA all-star as a husband is not your best bet. Oh, we all know the world "shouldn't" be that way, but Mo'Kelly "shouldn't" have to lock his door after leaving his house either. Some things are just the way they are.
Or you can look at it this way...
If you are an eye-candy groupie/NBA TV anchor of marginal talent (i.e. Joumana)...and marry an NBA player in the hopes of forwarding your career (i.e. the victim/battered husband/sympathetic figure Jason) the "rules" clearly state that the wife was not the first and shall not be the last groupie in the career of the NBA husband. Juanita Jordan knew the rules, Vanessa Bryant knew the rules and even (ahem) Cuttino Mobley knew the rules before each went to the altar. Michael Jordan, Kobe Bryant and (ahem) Stevie Franchise are going to do what they want, with whomever they want. That's the price you pay as an NBA (ahem) spouse.
Use a gun...go to jail.
Marry an NBA all-star...invariably deal with infidelity.
Remember when Hall of Famer James Worthy was arrested for solicitation in Houston for having not one...but TWO upscale hookers? See, Mo'Kelly can't even afford two "regular" hookers at the same time. Mo'Kelly's mortgage, electricity and food are slightly more important. Hookers and groupies aren't a threat to Mo'Kelly's woman. But since those like Joumana wish to move to a higher tax bracket, hookers come with the territory. They are like roaches in the hood. You can't have one without the other. Now some of the groupies are "pros," some amateur...but all are within the rules. Read the rulebook.
For example:
Larry Johnson, "GrandMaMa" - 5 children, 4 different women
Shawn Kemp - 7 children, 6 different women
Wilt Chamberlain - claimed sex with 20,000 women
Stephen Jackson - 6 maybe 7 children with multiple women
Juwan Howard - 3 children, 3 different women
In the case of Shawn Kemp, you'd think that after the 6th child with the 5th different woman, #6 would have some sense. But I guess 'cents' were on her mind, not 'sense.' But that's another discussion for another day.
In any event, when you pursue these professional athletes, especially basketball players...you can't get brand new when ballers do what ballers do.
Sports Illustrated has estimated that the number of illegitimate children fathered by NBA players equals or exceeds the number of players presently in the league. That's pretty impressive when you think about it. 12 players, 30 teams...360 children, minimum. Remember, these are just the children BORN from these sexual dalliances...not the tens of thousands of questionable trysts by both married and unmarried players.
These guys were man-whores (allegedly) when you met them and you collectively were willing to overlook these truths for the chance at a lifetime of materialistic luxury. Don't get brand new on us because you now don't like the idea of sharing "your" man-whore. No amount of GPS trackers or beatdowns will change the rules. You can't turn a man-ho into a house-husband. Even Jason Kidd is one of the dozens of current NBA players who have been slapped with paternity lawsuits. Although some of the many suits may be frivolous, the only way you can even get hit with a paternity suit in the first place is to have sex with someone other than your wife, if not unprotected as well. They don't usually appear out of thin air. There's this thing called a DNA/paternity test, you might have heard of it. All aspiring groupies have; it's the first thing they learn while studying at Groupie Tech U.
Those are the rules and Joumana knew the job was dangerous when she took it. She wanted a career and the life of an NBA-wife.
Well, she got exactly what she signed up for and somewhere along the way wanted to change the rules. Can't do that.
The "rules" explicitly state that the non-contributing spouse (that would be Joumana) can't have jack to say until the NBA career is over. The gold-digger waves all rights and privileges in that regard. Juanita Jordan handled it correctly and Joumana should have followed her lead.
But wait, there's more.
Kidd also alleges that the man-beater would routinely kick, hit, punch and throw household objects at him. And when the beatings weren't enough to get Jason to act right, she installed tracking devices on his car and computer to monitor his whereabouts. Or did the satellite tracking come first and the evidence led to the beatings?
Hmmm...Mo'Kelly's not sure which came first here, the chickenhead or the egg.
(Joumana is covered in car grease, wearing a wifebeater...er uh, I mean a husbandbeater T-shirt, smoking a cigarette and drinking a 40oz, while working on the undercarriage of Jason's 200k Bentley...her son dribbles a basketball nearby.)
"Mommy...whatcha doin'?"
"Mommy is installing a GPS on Daddy's car. Hand Mommy that wrench."
(Joumana wipes the sweat from her brow as she struggles to tighten a bolt with a crescent wrench)
"Mommy...what's a "GPS?"
(Joumana pulls out a hammer and bangs away to loosen a stuck bolt)
"Uh...it's a...uh...uh...Groupie Protection Sensor...it let's Mommy know when broke and dangerous, gold-digging groupies are near Daddy. It keeps Daddy safe."
"Mommy...what's a groupie?"
"It's kind of like Mommy, but without the marriage certificate and diamond ring to show for it."
"Oh, ok...where's Daddy?"
"He's at the hospital getting stitches. Daddy accidentally hit himself in the eye five times in a row with a can of soup."
"Didn't he already go to the hospital last week for his eye?
"No, that was his 'other' eye...remember when Daddy accidentally fell down and hit his left eye on Mommy's steel-toe Timberlands while she was wearing them? Now go find me Daddy's cell phone."
Thoughts and prayers to Jason Kidd in this, his time of need. And could somebody please pull the (alleged) man-beater aside explain the rules to her in the interim?
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